It's a tradition, therefore here are some thoughts about this year. I remember that 2019 was one of the saddest year of my life, well 2020 was something different. A scary one filled with anxiety, panic attacks, a strange world became the new normal. I don't even know how I've survived this shitshow so far. 

 I wish I would have known how to become more happy, energetic, because I feel tired all the time. I experience the pressure of giving up. And honestly some days I do give in. I have no fucks left in me to give. Sometimes I spend days in my bed questioning all the choices I've made in my life. But this is the first time that I don't want to move and run away to a different country every second month - but you can never know what the future brings. 

Last year I learned a lot about goodbyes but this year was all about living the fullest. I turned 30 in December, which I hated so much for obvious reasons, but my family and friends made it a special one. Being able to hug, call and text the ones I love is the biggest miracle I could've asked for.

This year showed me that even if I miss someone so much that it literally hurts I'm still able to live the fullest. To laugh till I cry, to feel the love. To dance, sobbing to sad movies and 15-second Tiktoks or even get excited over small post-it notes. 

January of 2020 was full of events, happiness and a little snow. Then COVID started to get comfy in our lives. Migraines have become worse than ever yet I got into the final of an online slam poetry competition and summer had a little bit of spice with a lot of lake time, hiking and Danube walks. First time in my life I had a beach day next to a river. I fell in love with puppies and big dogs. I ate perfect meals, a lot of those banana cream things which are the best dessert ever. 

And I don't know why I wrote this much, but I still think that goodbyes are necessary. So many people have lost their possibility this year to achieve their goals. To say I love you one more time. So be kind to yourself and everybody else.
And one life hack: Some keys should be never be found. 

Be safe!

Ps.: I changed the name of my blog, it's nice to see you at brigittapasztor.blogspot.com!